++ this year i will limited my freelance job and just focusing towards my interest. I've given all the percent of comic to the people that should learn about partnership, management and appreciation. Hope with this 100% responsibility will wake them up from their sleep that to do business is not so easy like it seemed.
++ there's a lot think happen early this year. and we can see who are our real friend not because of fame,position or money. The most bad people is people who be friend because of you can give them something nad left you when they're think they can survive alone.
++ this year also i've realized whose i should love more and who i've to ignore...some pretty diamonds sometimes it's just a trash inside of it. ANd some people they're just like to acting because they're afraid to show waht they really are. No matter how it's gonna be life's is a big stage. And sometimes we've to act acccording to the situation. But a good director will know it. Some people they're coming to you when they've problem and left when it's over. Some of them will always be with us in whatever situation we had.. and that's the real friend..
end..
Monday, January 30, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
the Republic of Shah Alam 6 : Eyes to see,ears to listen & Minds to think
++ from now on i'll not tolerate to some of them. no more discussion about work at night. I'll spare this time to relaxed because some people they've never leran to respect others. So it's time for them to learn and flexible to others.
++ Some have been given eyes but wouldn't see clearly after listening and take it all inside their minds without thinking..So this is the disease i've talked about dear Elita.. The disease you've asked me about.. Because GOD create eyes for us to deeply see, ears to us deeply listen and mind for us to think. So if we misuse of this creation and the result is not really what its should.
++
++ Some have been given eyes but wouldn't see clearly after listening and take it all inside their minds without thinking..So this is the disease i've talked about dear Elita.. The disease you've asked me about.. Because GOD create eyes for us to deeply see, ears to us deeply listen and mind for us to think. So if we misuse of this creation and the result is not really what its should.
++
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
the Sacred Cave II : Fool rush in
++ Some people they're never appreaciate what they have. Some of them really greed but when they're in misery, they're ask for help and when they're in a good situation they're forgot to thanx. Some people they're just don't know about dealing in business and thought it's not fair and never see through the other side...for this people i'll be leaving them from my life. It's not good to stay with the disease.
Monday, January 23, 2006
the fountain of Youth II: tips on spotting a liar
Let's say you were born yesterday and gullible is your middle name, here are some things to look out for to tell if someone is lying:
1) The eyes. Read the eyes. If they fidget, if they dilate, it's a huge heads up. If the guy keeps looking down, looking away, and never in your eyes, you've nailed him.
2) If he covers his mouth or any part of his face.
3) The Feds say that when a guy touches his nose, he's lying. I don't buy it, but you never see a wiseguy scratching and sniffing his nose while being questioned.
4) If he moves from side to side too much, to distract your attention from the subject at hand.
5) Stuttering, correcting himself (if it happened to you, you know exactly what happened, you don't need to correct yourself).
6) If his story has very little details and he keeps repeating the same facts, trying to convince himself. The guy is as vague as a lawyer when asked why he is charging you $500 a hour.
7) The story is very complicated and distorted, to cause confusion.
8) Changes subjects often, tries to veer conversation, deflects questions or doesn't answer questions.
9) Is overly defensive when questioned, uses "don't you trust me?" line.
10) They don't hear the question. What? Did wax build up in your ears in the last 10 seconds? They are buying time to get creative when they ask you to repeat yourself.
11) The details change a few days later (again, when something happens to you and you are not inventing, you remember the details in the same way over and over again). Ask a guy a few years later about a story and you'll really catch a mountain of lies.
That's it.
Watch your backs and keep your noses clean.
tips from Mr. Mafioso from askmen.com
1) The eyes. Read the eyes. If they fidget, if they dilate, it's a huge heads up. If the guy keeps looking down, looking away, and never in your eyes, you've nailed him.
2) If he covers his mouth or any part of his face.
3) The Feds say that when a guy touches his nose, he's lying. I don't buy it, but you never see a wiseguy scratching and sniffing his nose while being questioned.
4) If he moves from side to side too much, to distract your attention from the subject at hand.
5) Stuttering, correcting himself (if it happened to you, you know exactly what happened, you don't need to correct yourself).
6) If his story has very little details and he keeps repeating the same facts, trying to convince himself. The guy is as vague as a lawyer when asked why he is charging you $500 a hour.
7) The story is very complicated and distorted, to cause confusion.
8) Changes subjects often, tries to veer conversation, deflects questions or doesn't answer questions.
9) Is overly defensive when questioned, uses "don't you trust me?" line.
10) They don't hear the question. What? Did wax build up in your ears in the last 10 seconds? They are buying time to get creative when they ask you to repeat yourself.
11) The details change a few days later (again, when something happens to you and you are not inventing, you remember the details in the same way over and over again). Ask a guy a few years later about a story and you'll really catch a mountain of lies.
That's it.
Watch your backs and keep your noses clean.
tips from Mr. Mafioso from askmen.com
the Fountain Of Youth I: how to raise eq
Unlike IQ, EQ can be significantly raised. But it takes effort and a great deal of introspection. You need to be willing to rewire your brain and how you perceive and react to situations.
Here's a rough beginner's guide to becoming emotionally savvy.
1- Identify your feelings
Constantly tell yourself how you feel, with the three-word sentence "I feel..." If you feel mixed emotions, try to single them out, and rate their intensity ("I feel disturbed" or "I feel enraged"). Don't exaggerate or minimize them.
2- Take responsibility for your feelings
Don't look for external explanations for how you feel or make yourself the victim. Recognize that they're your feelings and try to understand why you feel this way.
3- Anticipate your feelings
Learn to recognize how you will feel after a certain event or action. Avoid doing things that you know will inspire negative feelings. Do this not only for yourself, but for others.
4- Ask people how they feel
You want to be able to tell how people feel without asking them. However, you have to first understand them before you can empathize with them. Listen to them without making judgments. Don't try to dismiss or invalidate their feelings.
5- Be less defensive
If someone says something about you that you disagree with, don't get defensive or attack them back -- these kinds of reactions demonstrate that you can't handle criticism. Instead, thank them for their honesty and focus on the validity of their comments.
6- Put problems into perspective
When setbacks happen and you feel the urge to get angry, think about how serious the setback really is. How much will the issue matter in 10 years? In 10 weeks? In 10 minutes?
resources from www.askmen.com
Here's a rough beginner's guide to becoming emotionally savvy.
1- Identify your feelings
Constantly tell yourself how you feel, with the three-word sentence "I feel..." If you feel mixed emotions, try to single them out, and rate their intensity ("I feel disturbed" or "I feel enraged"). Don't exaggerate or minimize them.
2- Take responsibility for your feelings
Don't look for external explanations for how you feel or make yourself the victim. Recognize that they're your feelings and try to understand why you feel this way.
3- Anticipate your feelings
Learn to recognize how you will feel after a certain event or action. Avoid doing things that you know will inspire negative feelings. Do this not only for yourself, but for others.
4- Ask people how they feel
You want to be able to tell how people feel without asking them. However, you have to first understand them before you can empathize with them. Listen to them without making judgments. Don't try to dismiss or invalidate their feelings.
5- Be less defensive
If someone says something about you that you disagree with, don't get defensive or attack them back -- these kinds of reactions demonstrate that you can't handle criticism. Instead, thank them for their honesty and focus on the validity of their comments.
6- Put problems into perspective
When setbacks happen and you feel the urge to get angry, think about how serious the setback really is. How much will the issue matter in 10 years? In 10 weeks? In 10 minutes?
resources from www.askmen.com
Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality
It is sometimes possible to predict the likelihood of the person you are currently or are about to become involved with being abusive. Below are a list of behaviours and traits which are common in abusive personalities. These are commonly known as Warning Signs.
While not all abusive people show the same signs, or display the tendencies to the same extent, if several behavioural traits are present, there is a strong tendency toward abusiveness. Generally, the more signs are present, the greater the likelihood of violence. In some cases, an abuser may have only a couple of behavioural traits that can be recognized, but they are very exaggerated (e.g. extreme jealousy over ridiculous things).
Often the abuser will initially try to explain his/her behaviour as signs of his/her love and concern, and the victim may be flattered at first; as time goes on, the behaviours become more severe and serve to dominate, control and manipulate the victim.
Jealousy
At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say the jealousy is a sign of love. He/she may question you about whom you have spoken to or seen during the day, may accuse you of flirting, or be jealous of time you spend with family, friends, children or hobbies which do not include him/her. As the jealousy progresses, he/she may call you frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. He may be unhappy about or refuse to let you work for fear you'll meet someone else, check the car mileage or ask friends to keep an eye on you. Jealousy is not proof of love, it is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness.
Controlling Behaviour
Controlling behaviour is often disguised or excused as concern. Concern for your safety, your emotional or mental health, the need to use your time well, or to make sensible decisions. Your abuser may be angry or upset if you are 'late' coming back from work, shopping, visiting friends, etc., even if you told him/her you would be later back than usual. Your abuser may question you closely about where you were, whom you spoke to, the content of every conversation you held, or why you did something he/she was not involved in. As this behaviour gets worse, you may not be allowed to make personal decisions about the house, clothing, going to church or how you spend your time or money or even make you ask for permission to leave the house or room. Alternately, he/she may theoretically allow you your own decisions, but penalise you for making the wrong ones. Concern for our loved ones to a certain extent is normal - trying to control their every move is not.
Quick Involvement
Many victims of abuse dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together. The abuser will often claim 'love at first sight', that you are 'made for each other', or that you are the only person whom he could ever talk to so openly, feel so at home with, could understand him so well. He/she may tell you that they have never loved anyone so much or felt so loved by anyone so much before, when you have really only known each other for a short amount of time. He/she needs someone desperately, and will pressure you to commit to him/her or make love before you feel the relationship has reached 'that stage'. He/she may also make you feel guilty for not committing yourself to him/her.
Unrealistic Expectations
The abuser may expects you to be the perfect husband, wife, mother, father, lover, and friend. He/she is very dependent on you for all his/her needs, and may tell you he/she can fulfil all your needs as lover, friend, and companion. Statements such as: 'lf you love me, I'm all you need.', 'You are all I need.' are common. Your abuser may expect you to provide everything for him/her emotionally, practically, financially or spiritually, and then blame you for not being perfect or living up to expectation.
Isolation
The abuser may try to curtail your social interaction. He/she may prevent you from spending time with your friends or family and demand that you only go places 'together'. He/she may accuse you of being 'tied to your mother's apron strings', not be committed to the relationship, or view people who are your personal friends as 'causing trouble' or 'trying to put a wedge' between you. He/she may want to live in the country without a phone, not let you use the car, stop you from working or gaining further education or qualifications.
Blame-shifting for Problems
Very rarely will an abusive personality accept responsibility for any negative situation or problem. If they are unemployed, can't hold down a job, were thrown out of college or University or fall out with their family, it is always someone else's fault, be it the boss, the government, or their mother. They may feel that someone is always doing them wrong, or out to get him. He/she may make a mistakes and then blame you for upsetting him/her or preventing him/her from doing as they wished to.
Blame-shifting for Feelings
The abuser will deny feelings stem from within him/her but see them as reactions to your behaviour or attitude toward him/her. He/she may tell you that 'you make me mad', 'you're hurting me by not doing what I ask', or that he/she cannot help feeling mad, upset, etc. Feelings may be used to manipulate you, i.e. 'I would not be angry if you didn't ...' Positive emotions will often also be seen as originating outside the abuser, but are more difficult to detect. Statements such as 'You make me happy' or 'You make me feel good about myself' are also signs that the abuser feels you are responsible for his sense of well-being. Either way, you become in his/her mind the cause of good and bad feelings and are therefore responsible for his/her emotional well-being and happiness. Consequently, you are also to blame for any negative feelings such as anger, upset or depression.
Hypersensitivity
Most abusers have very low self-esteem and are therefore easily insulted or upset. They may claim their feelings are 'hurt' when they are really angry, or take unrelated comments as personal attacks. They may perceive normal set-backs (having to work additional hours, being asked to help out, receiving a parking fine, etc.) as grave personal injustices. They may view your preference for something which differs from their own as a criticism of their taste and therefore themselves (e.g. blue wallpaper rather than pink, etc.).
Cruelty to Animals
The abuser may punishes animals brutally, be insensitive to their pain or suffering, or neglect to care for the animals to the point of cruelty, e.g. not feeding them all day, leaving them in areas he/she knows will cause them suffering or distress. There is a strong correlation between cruelty to animals and domestic violence which is still being researched.
Cruelty to Children
The abusers unrealistic expectations of their partner are often mirrored in their attitude toward children. He/she will think of children as 'small adults' and blame the children for not being responsible, having common sense or understanding. He/she may expect children to be capable far beyond their ability (e.g. is angry with a two-year old for wetting their pants or being sick on the carpet, waking at night or being upset by nightmares) and will often meet out punishments for 'naughtiness' the child could not be aware of. Abusers may tease children until they cry, or punish children way beyond what could be deemed appropriate. He/she may not want children to eat at the table, expect them to stay quiet, or keep to their room all evening while he/she is at home. Since abusers want all your attention themselves, they resent your spending time with the children or any normal demands and needs the children may have. As above (cruelty to animals), there is a very strong link between Domestic Violence and Child Abuse.
'Playful' use of Force in Sex
He/she may pressurise you to agree to forceful or violent acts during sex, or want to act out fantasies where you are helpless. A male abuser may let you know that the idea of "rape" excites him. He/she may show little concern about whether you want to have intercourse and uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance. Starting sex while you are sleeping, demanding sex when you are ill or tired, or refusing any form of intimacy unless you are willing to go 'all the way' can all be signs that he/she could be sexually abusive or sexually violent.
Rigid Sex Roles
Abusers usually believe in stereotypical gender roles. A man may expect a woman to serve him; stay at home, obey him in all things---even things that are criminal in nature. A male abuser will often see women as inferior to men, more stupid, unable to be a whole person without a relationship. female abusers may expect the man to provide for them entirely, shift the responsibility for her well-being onto him or heckle him as being 'not a real man' if he shows any weakness or emotion.
Verbal Abuse
In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, either in public or in private, this can include degrading remarks or running down any accomplishments. Often the abuser will tell you that you are 'stupid', could not manage without him/her. He/she may keep you up all night to 'sort this out once and for all' or even wake you at night to continue to verbally abuse you. The abuser may even say kindly things to your face, but speak badly about you to friends and family.
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde
Very rarely do abusers conform to the stereotypical image of a constantly harsh, nasty or violent person, either in public or in private. More frequently the abuser portrays a perfectly normal and pleasant picture to the outside world (often they have responsible jobs or are respected and important members of the local community or Church) and reserves the abuse for you in the privacy of your own home. Nor are abusers always overtly abusive or cruel, but can display apparent kindness and consideration. This Jeckyll and Hyde tendency of the abuser serves to further confuse the victim, while protecting themselves from any form of suspicion from outsiders. Many victims describe "sudden" changes in mood - one minute nice and the next explosive or hysterical, or one minute happy and the next minute sad. This does not indicate some special "mental problem" but are typical of abusive personalities, and related to other characteristics such as hypersensitivity.
Drink or Substance Abuse
While neither drinking or the use of drugs are signs of an abusive personality, heavy drinking or drug abuse may be a warning sign and do increase the risks of abuse, especially violence, taking place. Often an abusive person will blame the drink for his/her abuse. However, a person who, knowing there is a risk he/she could be violent when drinking or on drugs, chooses to get drunk or high, is in effect choosing to abuse. The link between substance abuse and domestic abuse is still being researched, and it is apparent that while neither alcohol nor drugs necessarily cause violence, they do increase the risk of violence.
History of Battering or Sexual Violence
Very rarely is abuse or violence a one-off event: a batterer will beat any woman he is with; a sexually abusive person will be abusive toward all his intimate partners. Situational circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality. Sometimes friends or family may try to warn you about the abuser. Sometimes the abuser may tell you himself/herself that he/she has hit or sexually assaulted someone in the past. However, they may further go on to explain that "she made me do it by ..." or in some other way not take responsibility and shift the blame on to the victim. They may tell you that it won't happen with you because "you love them enough to prevent it" or "you won't be stupid enough to wind me up that much". Once again, this is denying their own responsibility for the abuse, and shifting the responsibility for the relationship to remain abuse-free on to you. Past violence is one of the strongest pointers that abuse will occur.
Threatening Violence
This would obviously include any threat of physical force such as "If you speak to him/her again, I'll kill you", or "If any wife of mine acted like John's did, I'd give her a right seeing to". But can also include less obvious threats, such as "If you leave me, I will kill myself". Threats are designed to manipulate and control you, to keep you in your place and prevent you making your own decisions. Most people do not threaten their mates, but an abuser will excuse this behaviour by saying "everybody talks like that.", maintaining he/she is only saying this because the relationship or you are so important to him/her, tell you you're "over-sensitive" for being upset by such threats, or obviously want to hurt him/her.
Breaking or Striking Objects
The abusive person may break your treasured object, beat his/her fists on the table or chair or throw something at or past you. Breaking your things is often used as a punishment for some imagined misdeed on your part. Sometimes it will be justified by saying that now that you are with him/her, you don't need these items any more. Breaking your possessions also has the effect of de-personalising you, denying you your individuality or literally trying to break links to your past. Beating items of furniture or throwing objects will often be justified by saying you wound him/her up so much they lost control, once again shifting the blame for this behaviour on to you, but is actually used to terrorise you into submission. Only very immature or abusive people beat on objects in the presence of other people in order to threaten or intimidate them.
Any Force during an Argument
An abuser may physically restrain you from leaving the room, lash out at you with his/her hand or another object, pin you against a wall or shout 'right in your face'. Basically any form of force used during an argument can be a sign that actual violence is a strong possibility.
taken from http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Abuser/signs.htm
While not all abusive people show the same signs, or display the tendencies to the same extent, if several behavioural traits are present, there is a strong tendency toward abusiveness. Generally, the more signs are present, the greater the likelihood of violence. In some cases, an abuser may have only a couple of behavioural traits that can be recognized, but they are very exaggerated (e.g. extreme jealousy over ridiculous things).
Often the abuser will initially try to explain his/her behaviour as signs of his/her love and concern, and the victim may be flattered at first; as time goes on, the behaviours become more severe and serve to dominate, control and manipulate the victim.
Jealousy
At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say the jealousy is a sign of love. He/she may question you about whom you have spoken to or seen during the day, may accuse you of flirting, or be jealous of time you spend with family, friends, children or hobbies which do not include him/her. As the jealousy progresses, he/she may call you frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. He may be unhappy about or refuse to let you work for fear you'll meet someone else, check the car mileage or ask friends to keep an eye on you. Jealousy is not proof of love, it is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness.
Controlling Behaviour
Controlling behaviour is often disguised or excused as concern. Concern for your safety, your emotional or mental health, the need to use your time well, or to make sensible decisions. Your abuser may be angry or upset if you are 'late' coming back from work, shopping, visiting friends, etc., even if you told him/her you would be later back than usual. Your abuser may question you closely about where you were, whom you spoke to, the content of every conversation you held, or why you did something he/she was not involved in. As this behaviour gets worse, you may not be allowed to make personal decisions about the house, clothing, going to church or how you spend your time or money or even make you ask for permission to leave the house or room. Alternately, he/she may theoretically allow you your own decisions, but penalise you for making the wrong ones. Concern for our loved ones to a certain extent is normal - trying to control their every move is not.
Quick Involvement
Many victims of abuse dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together. The abuser will often claim 'love at first sight', that you are 'made for each other', or that you are the only person whom he could ever talk to so openly, feel so at home with, could understand him so well. He/she may tell you that they have never loved anyone so much or felt so loved by anyone so much before, when you have really only known each other for a short amount of time. He/she needs someone desperately, and will pressure you to commit to him/her or make love before you feel the relationship has reached 'that stage'. He/she may also make you feel guilty for not committing yourself to him/her.
Unrealistic Expectations
The abuser may expects you to be the perfect husband, wife, mother, father, lover, and friend. He/she is very dependent on you for all his/her needs, and may tell you he/she can fulfil all your needs as lover, friend, and companion. Statements such as: 'lf you love me, I'm all you need.', 'You are all I need.' are common. Your abuser may expect you to provide everything for him/her emotionally, practically, financially or spiritually, and then blame you for not being perfect or living up to expectation.
Isolation
The abuser may try to curtail your social interaction. He/she may prevent you from spending time with your friends or family and demand that you only go places 'together'. He/she may accuse you of being 'tied to your mother's apron strings', not be committed to the relationship, or view people who are your personal friends as 'causing trouble' or 'trying to put a wedge' between you. He/she may want to live in the country without a phone, not let you use the car, stop you from working or gaining further education or qualifications.
Blame-shifting for Problems
Very rarely will an abusive personality accept responsibility for any negative situation or problem. If they are unemployed, can't hold down a job, were thrown out of college or University or fall out with their family, it is always someone else's fault, be it the boss, the government, or their mother. They may feel that someone is always doing them wrong, or out to get him. He/she may make a mistakes and then blame you for upsetting him/her or preventing him/her from doing as they wished to.
Blame-shifting for Feelings
The abuser will deny feelings stem from within him/her but see them as reactions to your behaviour or attitude toward him/her. He/she may tell you that 'you make me mad', 'you're hurting me by not doing what I ask', or that he/she cannot help feeling mad, upset, etc. Feelings may be used to manipulate you, i.e. 'I would not be angry if you didn't ...' Positive emotions will often also be seen as originating outside the abuser, but are more difficult to detect. Statements such as 'You make me happy' or 'You make me feel good about myself' are also signs that the abuser feels you are responsible for his sense of well-being. Either way, you become in his/her mind the cause of good and bad feelings and are therefore responsible for his/her emotional well-being and happiness. Consequently, you are also to blame for any negative feelings such as anger, upset or depression.
Hypersensitivity
Most abusers have very low self-esteem and are therefore easily insulted or upset. They may claim their feelings are 'hurt' when they are really angry, or take unrelated comments as personal attacks. They may perceive normal set-backs (having to work additional hours, being asked to help out, receiving a parking fine, etc.) as grave personal injustices. They may view your preference for something which differs from their own as a criticism of their taste and therefore themselves (e.g. blue wallpaper rather than pink, etc.).
Cruelty to Animals
The abuser may punishes animals brutally, be insensitive to their pain or suffering, or neglect to care for the animals to the point of cruelty, e.g. not feeding them all day, leaving them in areas he/she knows will cause them suffering or distress. There is a strong correlation between cruelty to animals and domestic violence which is still being researched.
Cruelty to Children
The abusers unrealistic expectations of their partner are often mirrored in their attitude toward children. He/she will think of children as 'small adults' and blame the children for not being responsible, having common sense or understanding. He/she may expect children to be capable far beyond their ability (e.g. is angry with a two-year old for wetting their pants or being sick on the carpet, waking at night or being upset by nightmares) and will often meet out punishments for 'naughtiness' the child could not be aware of. Abusers may tease children until they cry, or punish children way beyond what could be deemed appropriate. He/she may not want children to eat at the table, expect them to stay quiet, or keep to their room all evening while he/she is at home. Since abusers want all your attention themselves, they resent your spending time with the children or any normal demands and needs the children may have. As above (cruelty to animals), there is a very strong link between Domestic Violence and Child Abuse.
'Playful' use of Force in Sex
He/she may pressurise you to agree to forceful or violent acts during sex, or want to act out fantasies where you are helpless. A male abuser may let you know that the idea of "rape" excites him. He/she may show little concern about whether you want to have intercourse and uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance. Starting sex while you are sleeping, demanding sex when you are ill or tired, or refusing any form of intimacy unless you are willing to go 'all the way' can all be signs that he/she could be sexually abusive or sexually violent.
Rigid Sex Roles
Abusers usually believe in stereotypical gender roles. A man may expect a woman to serve him; stay at home, obey him in all things---even things that are criminal in nature. A male abuser will often see women as inferior to men, more stupid, unable to be a whole person without a relationship. female abusers may expect the man to provide for them entirely, shift the responsibility for her well-being onto him or heckle him as being 'not a real man' if he shows any weakness or emotion.
Verbal Abuse
In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, either in public or in private, this can include degrading remarks or running down any accomplishments. Often the abuser will tell you that you are 'stupid', could not manage without him/her. He/she may keep you up all night to 'sort this out once and for all' or even wake you at night to continue to verbally abuse you. The abuser may even say kindly things to your face, but speak badly about you to friends and family.
Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde
Very rarely do abusers conform to the stereotypical image of a constantly harsh, nasty or violent person, either in public or in private. More frequently the abuser portrays a perfectly normal and pleasant picture to the outside world (often they have responsible jobs or are respected and important members of the local community or Church) and reserves the abuse for you in the privacy of your own home. Nor are abusers always overtly abusive or cruel, but can display apparent kindness and consideration. This Jeckyll and Hyde tendency of the abuser serves to further confuse the victim, while protecting themselves from any form of suspicion from outsiders. Many victims describe "sudden" changes in mood - one minute nice and the next explosive or hysterical, or one minute happy and the next minute sad. This does not indicate some special "mental problem" but are typical of abusive personalities, and related to other characteristics such as hypersensitivity.
Drink or Substance Abuse
While neither drinking or the use of drugs are signs of an abusive personality, heavy drinking or drug abuse may be a warning sign and do increase the risks of abuse, especially violence, taking place. Often an abusive person will blame the drink for his/her abuse. However, a person who, knowing there is a risk he/she could be violent when drinking or on drugs, chooses to get drunk or high, is in effect choosing to abuse. The link between substance abuse and domestic abuse is still being researched, and it is apparent that while neither alcohol nor drugs necessarily cause violence, they do increase the risk of violence.
History of Battering or Sexual Violence
Very rarely is abuse or violence a one-off event: a batterer will beat any woman he is with; a sexually abusive person will be abusive toward all his intimate partners. Situational circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality. Sometimes friends or family may try to warn you about the abuser. Sometimes the abuser may tell you himself/herself that he/she has hit or sexually assaulted someone in the past. However, they may further go on to explain that "she made me do it by ..." or in some other way not take responsibility and shift the blame on to the victim. They may tell you that it won't happen with you because "you love them enough to prevent it" or "you won't be stupid enough to wind me up that much". Once again, this is denying their own responsibility for the abuse, and shifting the responsibility for the relationship to remain abuse-free on to you. Past violence is one of the strongest pointers that abuse will occur.
Threatening Violence
This would obviously include any threat of physical force such as "If you speak to him/her again, I'll kill you", or "If any wife of mine acted like John's did, I'd give her a right seeing to". But can also include less obvious threats, such as "If you leave me, I will kill myself". Threats are designed to manipulate and control you, to keep you in your place and prevent you making your own decisions. Most people do not threaten their mates, but an abuser will excuse this behaviour by saying "everybody talks like that.", maintaining he/she is only saying this because the relationship or you are so important to him/her, tell you you're "over-sensitive" for being upset by such threats, or obviously want to hurt him/her.
Breaking or Striking Objects
The abusive person may break your treasured object, beat his/her fists on the table or chair or throw something at or past you. Breaking your things is often used as a punishment for some imagined misdeed on your part. Sometimes it will be justified by saying that now that you are with him/her, you don't need these items any more. Breaking your possessions also has the effect of de-personalising you, denying you your individuality or literally trying to break links to your past. Beating items of furniture or throwing objects will often be justified by saying you wound him/her up so much they lost control, once again shifting the blame for this behaviour on to you, but is actually used to terrorise you into submission. Only very immature or abusive people beat on objects in the presence of other people in order to threaten or intimidate them.
Any Force during an Argument
An abuser may physically restrain you from leaving the room, lash out at you with his/her hand or another object, pin you against a wall or shout 'right in your face'. Basically any form of force used during an argument can be a sign that actual violence is a strong possibility.
taken from http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Abuser/signs.htm
the Republic of Shah Alam : Immature,Experience , and Life...
++ Yesterday
Sometimes we couldn't understand people. Feel to understand is very wide. But to understand oneself, weve to understood our ownself...know what's our strengh..our weaknesses...our dreams and so on. Eveyone of us has a very own of dream.. So GOD is very fair but sometime it's just human that not really understand and keep everything in their way.
re·la·tion·ship Pronunciation Key (r-lshn-shp)
n.
1. The condition or fact of being related; connection or association.
2. Connection by blood or marriage; kinship.
3. A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other: has a close relationship with his siblings.
4. A romantic or sexual involvement.
some people they've never really understand this words and keep abusing it in the name of love.
Signs of immature love/relationship:
+ You are tired most of the time
+ Love seems more like a burden than a joy
+ Violence is part of the relationship
+ You keep having thoughts like ‘Maybe things will get better’
+ You feel MISERABLE!
Signs of Mature Love
+ You have a lot of energy
+ You have a sense of humor and seem to smile
+ You really appreciate each other’s ideas
+ Neither of you frequently asks "Are you sure you love me?"
"Prove you love me." or "Do you really care about me?"
+ When you are together, you spend most of your time creatively
+ You can talk about each other’s likes and dislikes
+ You are a person, not a sex object
+ You can spend a day alone with your partner
(without television or video) and find it FANTASTIC!
Sometimes we couldn't understand people. Feel to understand is very wide. But to understand oneself, weve to understood our ownself...know what's our strengh..our weaknesses...our dreams and so on. Eveyone of us has a very own of dream.. So GOD is very fair but sometime it's just human that not really understand and keep everything in their way.
re·la·tion·ship Pronunciation Key (r-lshn-shp)
n.
1. The condition or fact of being related; connection or association.
2. Connection by blood or marriage; kinship.
3. A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other: has a close relationship with his siblings.
4. A romantic or sexual involvement.
some people they've never really understand this words and keep abusing it in the name of love.
Signs of immature love/relationship:
+ You are tired most of the time
+ Love seems more like a burden than a joy
+ Violence is part of the relationship
+ You keep having thoughts like ‘Maybe things will get better’
+ You feel MISERABLE!
Signs of Mature Love
+ You have a lot of energy
+ You have a sense of humor and seem to smile
+ You really appreciate each other’s ideas
+ Neither of you frequently asks "Are you sure you love me?"
"Prove you love me." or "Do you really care about me?"
+ When you are together, you spend most of your time creatively
+ You can talk about each other’s likes and dislikes
+ You are a person, not a sex object
+ You can spend a day alone with your partner
(without television or video) and find it FANTASTIC!
Empire Strikes Back I: The beginning is near?
++ Saturday
My Uncle from johor arrived at my parent's house. We gathered and met 'abah'. And all the mysteries kept going on with more and more new stories. To believe or not to believe but it's already happened. We just want to know the truth.
My Uncle from johor arrived at my parent's house. We gathered and met 'abah'. And all the mysteries kept going on with more and more new stories. To believe or not to believe but it's already happened. We just want to know the truth.
Friday, January 20, 2006
the Sacred Cave I : New Year Resolution
+"Sacred cave" is my 3oh7 studio at section 8, orchid city+
++ Last Year i've tried to stand infront of the world with Olyemedia.com but finally its fall like shit. Partnership should means cooperative between two but there's only one side is moving and the other were just waiting for the something? Managing time and work should be learn or else we couldn't catch what've have to do. Time is fair where GOD gave everyone of us each 24 hours a day...but some people they're not capable or just don't want to try and let the chances flew away. Communication is one thing very important to avoid blaming others when we've not get enough time to settle our job or work. When we've give everything that can comfort them so what is the reason that they cannot deliver? It's a bad habit thou!
++ third quarte last year i've closed OLyemedia and open 3oh7 for a new path. Going solo with a help from few friends. But still need some more time due to my morning job are getting more and more. From the earlier meeting with some comic team, i've realize that they're not really checking their email and always lost communication even some of the were just next to my room. I do find out that they're not reading about the procedure i've sent in December 2005 because i've found a newly print on the table. Damn! How come they put all the blame on me while they're not reading what've sent and told. Some people are too confident and don't want to change. And the reason they'll lost in the fight..
++ 3oh7 focused on independent pdf mag, podcasting and video gallery. We've released 2 main issue and 1 tiny issue. This is not a design magazine or art...it's just ordinary thing..it's a expression mags from every layer of community. So never put a high hope that we'll be like IDN or else because every one of each no matter we're designer, or not .. GOD has gave a unique beautiness in every one of us.
but some people they're too proud and never think of other ...some of them are just like to bluff even they're not as what as we see...
" Create complexity from simplicity " - Joshua Davis
++ Last Year i've tried to stand infront of the world with Olyemedia.com but finally its fall like shit. Partnership should means cooperative between two but there's only one side is moving and the other were just waiting for the something? Managing time and work should be learn or else we couldn't catch what've have to do. Time is fair where GOD gave everyone of us each 24 hours a day...but some people they're not capable or just don't want to try and let the chances flew away. Communication is one thing very important to avoid blaming others when we've not get enough time to settle our job or work. When we've give everything that can comfort them so what is the reason that they cannot deliver? It's a bad habit thou!
++ third quarte last year i've closed OLyemedia and open 3oh7 for a new path. Going solo with a help from few friends. But still need some more time due to my morning job are getting more and more. From the earlier meeting with some comic team, i've realize that they're not really checking their email and always lost communication even some of the were just next to my room. I do find out that they're not reading about the procedure i've sent in December 2005 because i've found a newly print on the table. Damn! How come they put all the blame on me while they're not reading what've sent and told. Some people are too confident and don't want to change. And the reason they'll lost in the fight..
++ 3oh7 focused on independent pdf mag, podcasting and video gallery. We've released 2 main issue and 1 tiny issue. This is not a design magazine or art...it's just ordinary thing..it's a expression mags from every layer of community. So never put a high hope that we'll be like IDN or else because every one of each no matter we're designer, or not .. GOD has gave a unique beautiness in every one of us.
but some people they're too proud and never think of other ...some of them are just like to bluff even they're not as what as we see...
" Create complexity from simplicity " - Joshua Davis
Thursday, January 19, 2006
the Republic of Shah Alam IV : Dream,Fall and Hurt.
Yesterday
++ it's been a very sleepy day in the office. My 'kambeng nakal' ym is back again but don't chat much with her. Chatting with chin about dream, yoga nad ice cream. I've really enjoying chatting with her. This year gonna be so much difficult and challenging from the former years. Hope all that comics team are commited to their timeline even i've seen some of them just take it easy. I do respect some people who're really appreaciate what they have and still managed to give their best show even they'r not a fulltime comic artist. Big thumbs to you guys! But some are even getting worse and kept giving unreasonable excuses even though they're only working from home, i meant a fulltime freelancer where bed and pillow are infront your eyes but still cannot perform just like the 9-5 team. So it's oneself who should change their own.
++ Daniel's PS1 going back to the shop.Damn it's been the second time to be repaired. I've bought the mclaren steering gear and powershoot gun for my PS2. it's really kewl but i've still don't know how to use the gun.
++ before sleep heard a bad news, she got into the accident and have a wound at her lips. I advise her to check with doctor because minor wound sometimes could bring biggest disaster. That's what my doctor always told me.
++ why i've kept dreaming of her? It's been a long time we've never been together since 2000. all this mystery in life keep haunting us back someday...
end
++ it's been a very sleepy day in the office. My 'kambeng nakal' ym is back again but don't chat much with her. Chatting with chin about dream, yoga nad ice cream. I've really enjoying chatting with her. This year gonna be so much difficult and challenging from the former years. Hope all that comics team are commited to their timeline even i've seen some of them just take it easy. I do respect some people who're really appreaciate what they have and still managed to give their best show even they'r not a fulltime comic artist. Big thumbs to you guys! But some are even getting worse and kept giving unreasonable excuses even though they're only working from home, i meant a fulltime freelancer where bed and pillow are infront your eyes but still cannot perform just like the 9-5 team. So it's oneself who should change their own.
++ Daniel's PS1 going back to the shop.Damn it's been the second time to be repaired. I've bought the mclaren steering gear and powershoot gun for my PS2. it's really kewl but i've still don't know how to use the gun.
++ before sleep heard a bad news, she got into the accident and have a wound at her lips. I advise her to check with doctor because minor wound sometimes could bring biggest disaster. That's what my doctor always told me.
++ why i've kept dreaming of her? It's been a long time we've never been together since 2000. all this mystery in life keep haunting us back someday...
end
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
the Republic of Shah Alam III : Lost and found
Yesterday
++ quite a busy day in office. went home and entertain daniel with his ps1 game. Going back to studio and rest. Old friend did call me hope i could join the futsal game on this saturday. it's been a long time i've given myself up on sport. Sometimes we couldn't really understand what's about someone. either they're psycopatic or just dumb. teenager nowadays i guess lack of culture and knowledge. some are pretty much lazy and it's show the beginning of the ruined nation. Too choosy about work and still not really know what they really wanted while their age are leaving them behind. It's about oneself. Nobody is perfect and nothing is impossible if we're trying smart.
there's a lot of others that are really in a bad situation but some of us didn't realize their life are much better and comfortable still not appreacite what thet've and keep blaming others for things that they cannot commit. It's so shameful when this happening. Oneself should change their ownself or else these negative trait will be carried for the rest of their life.
end...
++ quite a busy day in office. went home and entertain daniel with his ps1 game. Going back to studio and rest. Old friend did call me hope i could join the futsal game on this saturday. it's been a long time i've given myself up on sport. Sometimes we couldn't really understand what's about someone. either they're psycopatic or just dumb. teenager nowadays i guess lack of culture and knowledge. some are pretty much lazy and it's show the beginning of the ruined nation. Too choosy about work and still not really know what they really wanted while their age are leaving them behind. It's about oneself. Nobody is perfect and nothing is impossible if we're trying smart.
there's a lot of others that are really in a bad situation but some of us didn't realize their life are much better and comfortable still not appreacite what thet've and keep blaming others for things that they cannot commit. It's so shameful when this happening. Oneself should change their ownself or else these negative trait will be carried for the rest of their life.
end...
Monday, January 16, 2006
the Republic of Shah Alam II
+ Orchid city / Shah Alam is city full of dreams...
Yesterday
++ As usual i woke up early again. Watch outside my studio. looking at environment that i've seen for about 23 years. I do love this city. full of memories and dreams. Some memories were not really exciting but it's still amaze me in this present day. And Some of the dream we've thoght might happen not there at all. Faces of who i've known before are less now. But come the new faces and brings a new memories but still keep the olds.
++ went back home to my kampung. Danial asked about his ps1. Poorly danial the ps1 still not ready yet. Took a good nap till 1 pm. then went to shah alam mall for shopping a little bit. My air freshener in my studio have finished ...need to buy a new refill. this time i've bought the blue ocean scent.It's quite kewl.
++ PLAYING MY FAVORITE PS2 GAME gRAND tURISMO 4 and serious sam : second encounter..damn today i've felt very sleepy and sleep until 7 pm.
++ got a call from elita said that she so hungry and invite me to eat at waht've called " A starbuck Dina". we ate and a chit chat about past, present and future. It's much fun to have friend like her and others in the Republic of Shah Alam. Some might jealous of our relationship..but maybe because all of us are knew each other for a quite a long time. the chemistry already react to all of us. If one is sad others might feel it or else. Sometimes what relation we all have is like brother and sisterhood. for that i'm thankful even i've lost so many friend before but still have something precious that i have to appreciate.
++ went back home at 10:30 pm..damn i'm really sleepy..and closed my eyes ...
Today
++ it's 5:30 am..it's lazy to go to work on Monday....
Yesterday
++ As usual i woke up early again. Watch outside my studio. looking at environment that i've seen for about 23 years. I do love this city. full of memories and dreams. Some memories were not really exciting but it's still amaze me in this present day. And Some of the dream we've thoght might happen not there at all. Faces of who i've known before are less now. But come the new faces and brings a new memories but still keep the olds.
++ went back home to my kampung. Danial asked about his ps1. Poorly danial the ps1 still not ready yet. Took a good nap till 1 pm. then went to shah alam mall for shopping a little bit. My air freshener in my studio have finished ...need to buy a new refill. this time i've bought the blue ocean scent.It's quite kewl.
++ PLAYING MY FAVORITE PS2 GAME gRAND tURISMO 4 and serious sam : second encounter..damn today i've felt very sleepy and sleep until 7 pm.
++ got a call from elita said that she so hungry and invite me to eat at waht've called " A starbuck Dina". we ate and a chit chat about past, present and future. It's much fun to have friend like her and others in the Republic of Shah Alam. Some might jealous of our relationship..but maybe because all of us are knew each other for a quite a long time. the chemistry already react to all of us. If one is sad others might feel it or else. Sometimes what relation we all have is like brother and sisterhood. for that i'm thankful even i've lost so many friend before but still have something precious that i have to appreciate.
++ went back home at 10:30 pm..damn i'm really sleepy..and closed my eyes ...
Today
++ it's 5:30 am..it's lazy to go to work on Monday....
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Pistachio nuts and everything else
it's sunday. After having a good sleep i woke up and went home. Shopping for my studio.
Yesterday
++ Learning is not only through the class but learning can be from everything else such as listen, watching people and else. Sometimes when we've grown older we'll keep forgeting how the first time we learn about life. as we're child we're always looking what adult do.It's not a stupid thing to do if we're an adult because it's the fastest way to learn about this life.
++ Some communication that lost should be repaired by talk to each other and find the solutions. Sometimes there'll no express feedback.When we're always complaining it's show what's inside us. even when we're too pushy it'll pushed away people from us. Life's still far away and even there's still left only one day to live, we're still have time to learn.
++ Mistakes should be not repeated but learn to improved ourself.But some people they do like to repeated it and yet left behind from others. Some are to stubborn not to listen what people have said and think that what they do is the right thing but it'll affect others feeling and even worst affect their life. So this kind of behavior should be vanish away or else it'll make a chaos.
++ life's is not so easy as we've thought. LIfe's full of phase and if we're not trying to learn will make us left behind from others. one wise man have said " Neverunderstimated your enemy!". So people who like to talk soo much sometimes doesn't really have much in their brain and sometimes people who are always shy and quiet doesn't mean they're dumb.
So life's so mystery...
Yesterday
++ Learning is not only through the class but learning can be from everything else such as listen, watching people and else. Sometimes when we've grown older we'll keep forgeting how the first time we learn about life. as we're child we're always looking what adult do.It's not a stupid thing to do if we're an adult because it's the fastest way to learn about this life.
++ Some communication that lost should be repaired by talk to each other and find the solutions. Sometimes there'll no express feedback.When we're always complaining it's show what's inside us. even when we're too pushy it'll pushed away people from us. Life's still far away and even there's still left only one day to live, we're still have time to learn.
++ Mistakes should be not repeated but learn to improved ourself.But some people they do like to repeated it and yet left behind from others. Some are to stubborn not to listen what people have said and think that what they do is the right thing but it'll affect others feeling and even worst affect their life. So this kind of behavior should be vanish away or else it'll make a chaos.
++ life's is not so easy as we've thought. LIfe's full of phase and if we're not trying to learn will make us left behind from others. one wise man have said " Neverunderstimated your enemy!". So people who like to talk soo much sometimes doesn't really have much in their brain and sometimes people who are always shy and quiet doesn't mean they're dumb.
So life's so mystery...
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Sniper elite and everything else...
Yesterday
+ Went to send back the ps1 i've bought last week. It's in the unlocking mode.Poor daniel and the rest to wait until friday to play their favorite ps games. I've also bought four new games : 7 sins, Sniper elite, Reel fishing and aces of power. Have tried sniper elite and stress release 7 sins. BUt still couldn't find the Serious Sam: second encounter ps2 game.
+ Anet came to my studio and we've a a dinner at Darul ehsan restaurant.
+ Yusrizal? I've guess he was sleeping from the moment i went home to studio at 6 pm yesterday and still not waking up when i've to go for work today.
Today
+ Arrived at office at 7:35 am and have my breakfast iced tea with roasted bread.
+ it's been a long time that I didn't call olye. I called her and talk about each other life. Huh! Seemed her life is working to settled down all the credit she made. At least we still remember each other. We've not know maybe somedaya we might need help on each other or else...
+ now i'm going to see my boss...
daa
+ Went to send back the ps1 i've bought last week. It's in the unlocking mode.Poor daniel and the rest to wait until friday to play their favorite ps games. I've also bought four new games : 7 sins, Sniper elite, Reel fishing and aces of power. Have tried sniper elite and stress release 7 sins. BUt still couldn't find the Serious Sam: second encounter ps2 game.
+ Anet came to my studio and we've a a dinner at Darul ehsan restaurant.
+ Yusrizal? I've guess he was sleeping from the moment i went home to studio at 6 pm yesterday and still not waking up when i've to go for work today.
Today
+ Arrived at office at 7:35 am and have my breakfast iced tea with roasted bread.
+ it's been a long time that I didn't call olye. I called her and talk about each other life. Huh! Seemed her life is working to settled down all the credit she made. At least we still remember each other. We've not know maybe somedaya we might need help on each other or else...
+ now i'm going to see my boss...
daa
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Satu Pengorbanan
"Every year millions of Muslims make the journey to the Holy Land of Mecca in Saudi Arabia to perform the haj, a requirement in Islam as it makes up one of the five tenets of the religion. As long as they have the means to do so, and are able health-wise, Muslims must perform the haj at least once in life. Upon completion of the haj, the men earn the title of "haji" and the women, "hajjah".
Aidiladha also commemorates the sacrifices made by the prophet Abraham (hence the word "korban" which means sacrifice), who demonstrated immense faith when he was put to the test by God. The prophet was commanded to offer his only son Ishmael up for sacrifice, and though it grieved him greatly, he made ready to perform the task. However, as he was about to strike his son, God stopped him and revealed that it was a trial. Ishmael's life was spared, and a ram sacrificed in his place." - All Malaysia.info
Yesterday-
++ woke up at 6:30 a.m. ready for the aidil adha prayer. This year due to a single day of holiday, most of shah alam's citizen don't go back to their 'kampung' to celebrate aidil adha.
++ met my old ecobarian friends at shah alam mosque. It's been a several years we all don't have time together. All the memories of good and bad in Section 10 was actually amzing that i've not found in any experience with others.But the past is over and everyone of us have to walk to the future and dream of our own life.
++ moe missed call me and then call again said want to drop by and as usual didn't show up and i've ended meeting my good buddy at warung kopi. It's been for a while i didn't see her and she so sweet now.and then i've escorting her to meet her bf at genting highlands. her boyfriend is also my best friend while we're in secondary school.
++ end of yesterday !
Today
++ woke up as usual. Damn! I've guess i'm too early today..went to have a breakfast.
++ Now i'm typing this blog new post while listening to AKAR's song..
continued...
Aidiladha also commemorates the sacrifices made by the prophet Abraham (hence the word "korban" which means sacrifice), who demonstrated immense faith when he was put to the test by God. The prophet was commanded to offer his only son Ishmael up for sacrifice, and though it grieved him greatly, he made ready to perform the task. However, as he was about to strike his son, God stopped him and revealed that it was a trial. Ishmael's life was spared, and a ram sacrificed in his place." - All Malaysia.info
Yesterday-
++ woke up at 6:30 a.m. ready for the aidil adha prayer. This year due to a single day of holiday, most of shah alam's citizen don't go back to their 'kampung' to celebrate aidil adha.
++ met my old ecobarian friends at shah alam mosque. It's been a several years we all don't have time together. All the memories of good and bad in Section 10 was actually amzing that i've not found in any experience with others.But the past is over and everyone of us have to walk to the future and dream of our own life.
++ moe missed call me and then call again said want to drop by and as usual didn't show up and i've ended meeting my good buddy at warung kopi. It's been for a while i didn't see her and she so sweet now.and then i've escorting her to meet her bf at genting highlands. her boyfriend is also my best friend while we're in secondary school.
++ end of yesterday !
Today
++ woke up as usual. Damn! I've guess i'm too early today..went to have a breakfast.
++ Now i'm typing this blog new post while listening to AKAR's song..
continued...
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